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Vampires Suck (Jason Friedberg | Aaron Seltzer, 2010)
If
any current film franchise deserves to be skewered in the singularly juvenile
manner of directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, it has to be the
Twilight
series. While there hasn’t been much evidence that
Twilight fanatics have much humor
about their obsession, if they do, they’d be the ideal audience for the
surprisingly faithful feature-length parody
Vampires Suck. While
Vampires Suck aims closely at its key
target, namely the overheated teen romance that fueled Stephanie Meyer’s empire,
it works. The plot here closely mirrors that of the first two
Twilight movies, offering the
majority of the films’ key scenes within a total run time that’s shorter than
that of either of the original films.
From its
start, Vampires Suck aims its jokes
at the emo angst that fuels the Twilight
movies. While much of the humor is, by default, sexual or physical, some of
it achieves genuine wit. Calling the book’s Cullen family the “Sullens,” for
example, may be obvious, but it made me chuckle. Most of the remaining energy
here is spent dredging up a series of sorry pop culture references that assume
that the audience has been on the planet for about three months. Furthermore,
there is an unfortunate tendency to explicitly name-check any reference that is
made, lest the film’s audience feel dumb.
The ensemble here isn't exactly filled with comic geniuses, so much of
the humor falls flat. Most successful, by far, is Jenn Proske, who plays Becca,
the series’ heroine. Proske is always breathy, playing with her hair, and on the
verge of tears. Her limitations are at once a mean-spirited reflection on
Stewart’s affectations and a tribute, of sorts, that reminds audiences what a
distinctive character Stewart has crafted.
Obviously,
Vampires Suck is not a good film, but
that it’s not a complete and total abomination makes the attempt feel like
something close to progress for its creators. Perhaps there was nowhere to go
but up following the aptly named Disaster
Movie and the execrable Meet the
Spartans, but there you have it.
Vampires Suck has no particular reason to exist and will likely be forgotten
by this time next year, but in its wholesale appropriation of the
Twilight narrative it approximates
something resembling cohesiveness, which is more than can be said for most of
these unfortunate overextended skits posing as movies.
29
Jeremy
Heilman
08.20.10
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